Album · ten songs · 28 minutes · March 2026
Separated
A six-year concept album about the Death of God. In James's words: not as middle fingers to the big man, but as the loss of both a lifelong best friend and a structure of meaning making.
Streaming here, with pay-what-you-want downloads, is coming once the masters are uploaded. The Bandcamp page has both today.
What it is
Written about topics that often feel removed from their interaction with daily life, "Separated" is an attempt to ground psychoanalytic thought, philosophy, and religion within personal stories.
The record opens with a string quintet playing the Dies Irae, the old chant from the Mass for the Dead, then playing it in reverse in a major key, with the album's other melodies threaded through. The specific tune dies. The structure continues. This overview is the whole idea of the record in sixty-seven seconds.
Tracks
- 1Quantus Tremor Est Futurus1:07
Lyrics
Credits
About this song
"Quantus Tremor Est Futurus" is a line that comes from the Dies Irae, the Catholic Mass for the Dead. It translates to "what a trembling there will be". I thought this a fitting conceptual intro to an album that deals with the death of God. These first few notes of the "Dies Irae" are commonly used in horror film scoring due to its association with death in its original use in Catholic churches during Mass for the dead. I composed "Quantus Tremor Est Futurus" from the guitar as a string quintet overture that makes use of the Dies Irae theme, the Dies Irae theme in reverse and changed to major (instead of minor), and various musical themes from other songs throughout the rest of the album. In "Quantus Tremor Est Futurus", the Dies Irae theme represents the perception of something dying while its ever-present immediate echo — the Dies Irae theme in reverse and in major — represents that same thing actually remaining alive. Although the aesthetic has truly changed, something of its structure remains the same. To provide a visual reference of the same idea, a + b = c in Times New Roman, WingDings, Arial, or Futura fonts all remain the same equation. If you paint a pillar holding up a building blue, then green, then purple, a HUGE part of its function remains the same. "Separated", as an album, is not a defense for or refutation of the existence of God. Rather, an examination of psychoanalytic, religious, and philosophical concepts I find personally compelling and the ways that I see them manifest in my life and the world around me. Aesthetics shifting while structures fundamentally remain the same. I personally experienced this with the God I was given as a child "dying" yet very much remaining alive. - 2Separated (feat. Julianna Zachariou)2:18
Lyrics
Four years old and it was monsters under my bed Parents told me that it lived in my head At that age I couldn't comprehend what they said Or the years that I would spend Oooo Separated from myself Oooo Trying to find my tension somewhere else Oooo So I took the parts of myself that I hate And I gave them your name I couldn't bear to see them in my own face Externalize, annihilate Oooo I'm separated from myself Oooo Trying to find my tension somewhere else OoooCredits
About this song
"Separated" is the title track of the album. I wanted it to lyrically open at something of a beginning. I chose age and one clear early example of Hegel's "Beautiful Soul" / Freud's notion of projection. In Hegel's "Beautiful Soul", we enter a stage of self-consciousness where we are unable to accept our own "disorder" and project it out into the world. A common example of this is around ages 4-6 years old when there is a monster under the bed or in the closet. For me personally, it was Gollum from The Lord of the Rings in the middle of the night ready to grab my ankles if I got out of bed. At that age we can't comprehend that the tension exists inside of us and, in turn, it unconsciously spills out onto other things, real or imagined. Verse two really opens up that this isn't something that we grow out of. We only grow deeper into it. Freud talks about this mechanism as projection. We externalize the thoughts, desires, motivations, and feelings that we can't bear as our own onto other people or groups. The work of French Philosopher, René Girard, on the Scapegoat Mechanism inspired the lyrics "Externalize, annihilate". With scapegoating, people decide that someone or some group is a "virus" responsible for any host of social issues and when they get rid of that virus "peace can return". Having a place to point fingers, an "easy" solution, a virus that can be gotten rid of is key. Maybe think of it as projection on a societal scale. The chorus of the song is inspired by Slovenian philosopher, Slavoj Žižek, and his work on Ontological Incompleteness. We are not somehow split apart from a full, whole, and complete reality that is "out there" by our lack of knowledge or inability to understand it. Rather, split-ness, incomplete-ness, or separated-ness is at the center of Being itself. That is to say, my hope for this song is that you are able to see yourself in this same story and that the confession of the chorus sinks its way into your thoughts next time you're tempted to "externalize, annihilate". - 3New Bottle, Old Wine4:37
Lyrics
Yellow light Slow down Almost like Traffic read my diary out loud I'm not alright I can't stop sprinting around Oh my god, what am I avoiding now? A minute of free time And I start feeling all of my divides It's something cardiac of a violent kind Ooo Out of breath and my chest's tight Chasing the idea of you til my throat is dry But I can't get you back No there was never anything to undo Even if I caught you, what then would I do? New bottle old wine Sour taste in my mouth Golden calves of all different kinds I'm sure one won't let me down I'm not alright Drunk on this or that I can't seem to dry out Oh my god, what am I avoiding now? A minute of free time And I start feeling all of my divides It's something cardiac of a violent kind Ooo Out of breath and my chest's tight Chasing the idea of you til my throat is dry But I can't get you back No there was never anything to undo Even if I caught you, what then would I do? No more cover ups What's the function of them? What problem do they solve for me? What am I hiding from? So much time lost on, trying to make myself feel complete But I still want it If I change the font Maybe I can write a different story Oh god I still want it If I change the font Maybe I can write a different storyCredits
About this song
- 4Young Me3:37
Lyrics
Young me I carry you still In some ways against my will Young me, you tarry still Or am I water that's been distilled An honest change, but me remains at a standstill I just want to let you go I was told over time that I would grow and I guess it just happens real slow I I guess it just happens real slow Young me, Sierra Nevada foothills Fantasy giants and dragons to kill Mmmm I still seem to be jousting windmills All of my death beds to see what's real I've changed the font, in the same old equation, and kept the same deal I just want to let you go I was told over time that I would grow I guess it just happens real slowCredits
About this song
- 5Mi Hermes3:52
Lyrics
Nada más que una herida Una memoria casi perdida Peso al fondo de la mochila Sinapsis de mi niñez no queridas Pero me sigues conmigo (afectando) Parte de mí ser Tu me has desarrollado Me quemaste Por eso, te quiero tanto Me dejaste Solito con mis llantos Yo te probé Y tu sabor me cortó la existencia Sigues sin nombre Pero vivo con tu presencia Y por tanto que me dueles Me enseñaste mis quereres Creaste mis placeres Me guiaste a la muerte, mi Hermes Contigo los atardeceres Entre día y noche Por el gris, yo aprendí conocerme Me quemaste Por eso, te quiero tanto Me dejaste Solito con mis llantos Yo te probé Y tu sabor me cortó la existencia Sigues sin nombre Pero vivo con tu presenciaTranslation
Nothing more than a wound A memory nearly lost Weight at the bottom of your backpack Unwanted childhood synapses But you continue to effect me (you are) part of my being You have made me You burned me That is why I want you so You left me Alone with my cries I tasted you And your flavor cut my existence You continue without name But I live with your presence For as much as you hurt me You taught me my wants You created my pleasures You guided me to death, my Hermes I was with you the evenings Between day and night Through the grey I learned to meet/know myself You burned me That is why I want you so You left me Alone with my cries I tasted you And your flavor cut my existence You continue without name But I live with your presenceCredits
About this song
- 6Anxious Habit1:37
Lyrics
Anxious Habits Blood drips Down my chin Driving home no napkins Sick to my stomach Couldn't swallow it Nervous reaction Cracked lips: distraction All alone, left on Jackson Lack of platelet action, feels like words Bleeding from my mouth Like when I'm stressed out Judgement heads south Migrates with the birds While cold feet stick around Ground down teeth chatter loud And say nothing profoundCredits
About this song
- 7I Move Slowly2:39
Lyrics
I move slowly I drag my feet Stuck in my head Picturing All the ways things could be Possibilities Ando lento Yo arrastro los pies Atrapado Truth is I'm afraid Of all the ways things could be Possibilities Good things take time I won't live in fear Come on help me turn on the lights Can't promise I won't shut my eyes from time to time But I swear that I won't run and hide No I won't run and hide Good things take time I won't live in fear Come on help me turn on the lights Can't promise I won't shut my eyes from time to time But I swear that I won't run and hide No I won't run and hideCredits
About this song
"I Move Slowly" was written about my mind (often feeling like an endless, racing, anxious expanse of possibility) and how it leads me to action paralysis; a promise that I won't let it ruin me; and a request for help through it from those closest in my life. - 8Dog / Heaven Along the Way2:52
Lyrics
I watched my dog chase after a cricket, and when he caught it, crushed it with his snoot It lay there lifeless No, he didn't even eat it And that's when it hit me it's not the getting It is the pursuit I remember learning Good sex starts in the morning All day long foreplay It's mostly the build up anyway I mean can you imagine A constant orgasm No wanting, only having The highs wouldn't hit the same The getting never seems to alleviate the want Oh now I see that "X" never really marked the spot Still the finish line helps me to find some meaning in the race I hope the way I lived out all my days Made it heaven along the wayCredits
About this song
- 9What We Give Each Other3:42
Lyrics
Growing up, I would ask are we there yet and every time without fail, my father would smile and reply half the fun is getting there now a few years older I don't know when the idea came rushing in But I disagree monumentally There is only the ride of this metaphor I'm in Every time it hits me like a linebacker legs swept out beneath I hit the ground, collect myself, and just try to breath This is the destination, when we die, we die No heaven, no hell apart from those we give each other in this life Oh dad now I see You could only see it through your eyes I'm not saying I see it fully, Only that I see it through mine You taught me the best you knew To love and do what's right Those lessons helped me see that the after life Is just every life outside of mine Every time it hits me like a linebacker legs swept out beneath I hit the ground, collect myself, and just try to breath This is the destination, when we die, we die No heaven, no hell apart from those we give each other in this life I was terrified when I felt the weight of my actions for the first time It still scares me to stand at heavens gate every time I look into my neighbors eyes Because if this is the destination If this is the after life Then Heaven and Hell are the memories I give to others in this lifeCredits
About this song
- 10Next Corner1:53
Lyrics
Just around the next corner there's a love that will set me free They will be sweet with kind eyes They will make me complete Help me find something that I lost, help me become me Always on the other side And when they're not right I will start searching Far away I know the hills are green And if I could make it there I know I would be happy A never ending promise that its not just a dream It's just on the other side Somewhere outside of me And when I die There's a great beyond for me Been the carrot on the stick A deferral to exist in a personalized ecstasy Always on the other side Just out of reach I think looking back I might see That seeing is seeing that I can't see Freedom is freedom from the need to feel freed And just enjoying a moment to breatheCredits
About this song
Credits
Production, engineering and most instruments: James Spaite. Mixing, mastering and piano: James Bishop. Vocals and vocal arrangement: Julianna Zachariou, Christine Noel, Savs, Rachel Gonzalez, Sophia James, Maya Proulx. Drums: Austin Hans Seeger. Violin and viola: Tim Reynolds. Cello: Yi-Mei Templemen (Yeemz). Pedal steel: Zack Marzoni. Piano: Tyler Chester. Guitar: Benjamin Jaffe.
