EP · five songs · 11 minutes
Lost You
In James's words, from the notes he wrote for the record.
About the record
"Lost You" is a collection of songs that I wrote to process the grief of my spouse and I losing our pregnancy and learning that, due to an extreme pregnancy related illness, our parenthood will look very different. Other people sharing their stories of loss on an instagram reel of "Lost You" made me realize that we need art to help process it all.
James Spaite: songwriting, vocals, nylon guitar, nashville guitar, percussion, whistle, sound design, saxophone, felted piano, engineering, and mixing (only on Make it to the Party) Caleb Parker: Mixing
The songs
- Best Kept Secret
Lyrics
Helicopter seeds in an envelope Letter from Portland, I almost choked Egg yolk sketched out jokes Honestly, your Sistine Michelangelo You dreamt I was dying of heatstroke 300 square feet down in San Diego Don't know how I got so lucky Zion, dandelion ring, on one knee Blades of sweet grass spun throughout your iris Best kept secret until sunlight shines on honeycomb and chocolate Richest life springs up from that earth Freckled high cheekbones, I'll kiss them till I turned back to dirt I almost lost you last June I can still smell that room Clean gown and an empty tummy Trying to avoid the pain with gin rummy Now watermelons not the same May comes with the taste of our would have been baby's name Mother's Day hits different Not quite what we dreamt Still there's Blades of sweet grass spun throughout your iris Best kept secret until sunlight shines on honeycomb and chocolate Richest life springs up from that earth Freckled high cheekbones, I'll kiss them till I turned back to dirtCredits
James Spaite: songwriting, vocals, nylon guitar, nashville guitar, percussion, whistle, sound design, saxophone, felted piano, engineering, and mixing (only on Make it to the Party). Caleb Parker: mixing.About this song
- Lost You
Lyrics
Lost you at two Lost you at three Lost you at nine Lost you at seventeen Lost watching you tie your shoes Lost teaching you to climb trees Lost comforting your first heart break Lost you holding my hand losing me Now some days are red Some days are blue Most days Come in colors more than two Most days lately My body feels confused To say the least It's new here without youCredits
James Spaite: songwriting, vocals, nylon guitar, nashville guitar, percussion, whistle, sound design, saxophone, felted piano, engineering, and mixing (only on Make it to the Party). Caleb Parker: mixing.About this song
- Lost You (for you to write)
Art is not meant to ONLY be passively received. As people began sharing their stories on the original post of "Lost You" I was reminded that while this story is mine, it is also many of yours. The specifics are different, but the structure of loss and grief are the same. I have included this instrumental version of "Lost You" for you to use music and songwriting as a tool to process your own experience of loss and grief. Perfect songwriting isn't the point. Perfect singing isn't the point. I hope it helps.
Lyrics
Credits
James Spaite: songwriting, vocals, nylon guitar, nashville guitar, percussion, whistle, sound design, saxophone, felted piano, engineering, and mixing (only on Make it to the Party). Caleb Parker: mixing.About this song
- The Life I Had Imagined
Nothing makes me think of my early years, or the early years of life in general, more than soft instrumental piano. I wrote "The Life I Had Imagined" reflecting on the early mornings I had envisioned waking up my child with the sound of my grandmother's piano. Felted piano, James. Mixing, Caleb Parker. Studio, Philip Etherington.
Lyrics
Credits
James Spaite: songwriting, vocals, nylon guitar, nashville guitar, percussion, whistle, sound design, saxophone, felted piano, engineering, and mixing (only on Make it to the Party). Caleb Parker: mixing.About this song
- Make It to the Party
This is the first song I wrote to process our loss. My spouse had a violent pregnancy induced illness. Despite max doses of various drugs in the hospital for over a week, she was unable to keep anything down. Ice chips, a sip of water or juice would cause vomiting. Hyperemesis Gravidarum has a very high recurrence rate, so we learned in those moments that this marked our first and last attempt. I needed a place to hold the weight and whiplash of excitement into devastation. I wrote this song the morning after as a container to help hold it all. Live video. Artwork, James Spaite and his spouse.
Lyrics
If I could go back a year and 10 days, I would find myself and try to explain I know you think it's going to be XY I mean she's been so sick. Isn't that supposed to be a sign? and I know you've thought about nicknames maybe her grandma's name sake maybe Spanish for James I would say just keep in mind that sometimes we can't make it to the party If I could go back to yesterday, I would visit room 426 just to say it's OK to weep when a tree's blossom dies fruit that could've been never made it to the light and I would hold you tight all over again, relive the agony twice just to hold my best friend I would say "it's not all right. It's just sometimes we can't make it to the party." Somewhere out there in the world of possibilities there is a you that came to be and instead outlived me You're remembering back on how I taught you to climb trees, how to braid your hair, to look both ways than safely across the street And I'm sure we would have had a real good time. I don't blame you, little love. No, it's all right. I know some nights around 5 PM The realization starts to settle in that you've been through the wringer lately kid and you're just worn too thin to make it to the partyCredits
James Spaite: songwriting, vocals, nylon guitar, nashville guitar, percussion, whistle, sound design, saxophone, felted piano, engineering, and mixing (only on Make it to the Party). Caleb Parker: mixing.About this song
If this one found you
James reads every reply. If you wrote your own words over the instrumental, he would like to hear them: james@jamesspaite.com.
