The Story Behind "Soil"

We are all wearing a pair of glasses that we see the world through. Each pair is unique to its owner. We are born with the frames for the glasses but our experiences create the lenses. A small piece of red glass here, a little cement and glue there, a green shard in the left lens, a muddy piece of glass on the other side. I imagine something similar to a stain glass window. We are all looking at the same light, but we all see a different reality.

One of my favorite things that I learned during my undergrad in psychology is the idea of “egocentrism.” Egocentrism in psychology is the assumption that other people see, hear, feel, understand, experience the world exactly the same as the person making the assumption. It is assuming that others are wearing the same pair of glasses that we are.

This is a very normal and very easy thing to do. The brain does everything it can to conserve energy and make our lives easier. It takes a lot of mental energy to consider the world from the perspective of another. We all go through a process of learning to attempt to consider the world from the perspective of others as we grow up. But egocentrism is inevitable. It is impossible to avoid seeing the world through our pair of glasses.

That isn’t the issue though.

The issue is having the pride to say that our pair of glasses is “better” or “right.” To believe that we have things figured out and tell others that they are wrong for seeing light through their own pair of glasses or even having their own pair of glasses.

There is a passage in the Bible where Jesus talks about two different paths and the difference between them. (Matthew 7:13-14)

13 “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. 14 But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.”

My song Soil comes out tomorrow. It's an extended metaphor to portray how ridiculous and ugly it would sound if trees communicated many of the same messages that we communicate to one another.

I wrote Soil as an encouragement to remind myself to embrace humility and choose the "narrow path." To choose to put in the mental energy to remember that God has made us all in God’s image. That we all have the opportunity to invite those around us to, in part, experience our reality. And if we get lucky, they allow us to take part in theirs.

With the simple reminder that “We don’t all have the same soil” I hope to plant seeds that grow thoughts of empathy, compassion, and understanding. I am looking forward to hearing your thoughts and share new music with you all.

Peace,

-James Spaite

The Disconnect

Photos by Corrinne Pickle

I am 6’2”. Plane rides have never really been comfortable. Honestly, sometimes the prospect of a plane ride makes me reevaluate more or less everything about my existence. If it isn’t clear, I feel strongly about them. But they get me to where I need to be. They provide me with the privileges of seeing family, going on tour, seeing friends that are across the country, have new experiences, the list goes on.

After twenty hours on a plane, I landed in Tanzania, Africa. I was privileged to travel with 13 incredible humans to literally the best children’s home in Tanzania (as decided by the Tanzanian government). So that you know, I am extremely cynical about short term humanitarian/missions work. If you want to know why, email me and I will happily explain. Amidst my cynicism, I am enamored with Small Steps for Compassion. I could do a mediocre job of explaining why I am so fond of Small Steps, but there are some forms of knowing that live outside of language. So, there is a link below to help you somewhat understand why I love them.

In returning, I realized that I have done pretty much the worst job ever of loving those in my own community for roughly the past year. My involvement in my embracing the oppressed has been pretty much a big zero. I had some mental stress relief in ideologically affirming that embracing the oppressed was a good idea, but when it came to my actions there was a major disconnect. Naturally, I decided that I was going to re-immerse myself in the practices that I had in previous years. That was almost two months ago now.

In five or six different conversations over the course of this past week I have kept coming around to the thought that “We like the idea of good better than we like the practice of good.” Perfect example: this weekend I will be joint-speaking with a few friends in an art gallery about reconciliation with music and personal stories interwoven throughout. Any guesses as to what I still haven’t done?

Me personally, I don’t particularly think that there is a “me” that exists outside of who I am right now. There isn’t a “person I was made to be.” BUT there is a me I am becoming and I have the privilege of making choices that will incorporate goodness into that future me. I’ve learned to treasure the moments that I am honest about the disconnect between my thoughts and my actions. The discomfort of those realizations has moved me to where I need to be. Those realizations allow me to better incorporate goodness into my being.

I encourage you all to find a way to get involved in your immediate community in a practical way that promotes empathy, human connection, and makes a lasting change. For a specific example, don't just attend protests against the ban on refugees/immigrants from Syria, Iran, Sudan, Libya, Somalia, Yemen and Iraq. Go and spend your time with those near you who are from those areas. Put in the work to learn at least basic Arabic, Kurdish, Persian, or Somali to be able to connect. Go to a Mosque in your city. If someone from one of these areas has a business, go and support it. Volunteer with organizations that help refugees through the difficult process of adjusting to a new life in the U.S.

Become friends with the homeless in your city. Dignify the humanity of those of us with varying levels of ability. Get involved in the support of migrant workers' rights. Read literature on the experience of minority groups in the U.S. Adopt or Foster a child. Buy products from companies that treat their employees justly. Tutor kids from lower income areas. Get involved in the advocation and rescue of sex slaves in your city. Make decisions that take better care of the earth. Maybe even start an organization that does one of these.

Basically, I think we should all take care of each other. I know that I have done a less than satisfactory job of that. I hope that the honesty about the divide between my ideals and my actions helps you to consider your own divides and practice goodness.

Sincerely,

James Spaite

http://www.smallstepsforcompassion.org/

Did You Say a Blog?

I have always been afraid of writing. Not so much because I have difficulty with grammar, spelling, or even coming up short on ideas, but because I have an unbelievably difficult time focusing. I was diagnosed with ADHD sometime around when I was 6-years-old. Throughout elementary school I was, without fail, the last student to finish their essay. In attempt to help me focus I had a tutor that came to my house to walk me through speed writing exercises. During college I took the majority of my “in-class” essays in a Disability Resource Center that provided me time plus time and a half to write.

So, why am I starting a blog by writing about my fear of writing?

Here’s a quick story I heard from a psychology professor during Undergrad.

There once was a woman who went to her friend’s house for dinner. Upon arrival she noticed a dog whimpering in the corner. At first she pushed it out of mind, but it persisted throughout the evening. As her curiosity finally hit a breaking point she could no longer stand the poor dog’s quiet, but incessant whine. “Do you mind me asking what is wrong with your dog? It has been whimpering all night,” she inquired. The owner replied, “Oh, him? He is laying on a nail.” Astounded she exclaimed, “LAYING ON A NAIL?! Well, why hasn’t he moved?” Her friend answered, “He hasn’t moved because it doesn’t hurt bad enough yet.”

We often find that change happens when it is more painful to stay where we are at than it is to move forward. I would be willing to say that almost every form of therapy is revisiting and addressing some pain that an individual has intentionally/unintentionally closed off so that they might finally grow. Following a recent conversation about the art of telling stories with Film Maker, Pastor, and Public Speaker, Jared Callahan, I was left with a valuable lesson that builds upon that idea: “The treasure that you most deeply seek lies in the cave you are most afraid to enter.”

Although I began this blog entry by talking about fear, I am not particularly starting a blog to confront a fear of writing. I started this blog by talking about my fear of writing because a story that begins with honesty and vulnerability is much more compelling than just an explanation of why I am blogging. It also better provides me the ability to leave you all with a closing thought that sandwiches everything together (foreshadowing). Don't worry though, I will answer the question of "Why a Blog?"

I am starting a blog because I can only communicate so much in a 4-minute song. I am starting a blog because I am bursting at the seams with ideas. I am starting a blog to hopefully instill empathy in others. I am starting a blog to put the spotlight on friends and acquaintances whose voices have been historically shushed. I am starting a blog to connect with you and provide a space that allows us to interact. I am starting a blog because reading is good for the brain. I am starting a blog to pass along the information I have been privileged to learn during my Undergrad in psychology. I am starting a blog to continue to grow as a writer. I am starting a blog to do my best to highlight good stories, because I know that good stories change us.

A prime example of two people who are telling good stories that bring about change are my friends Ben and Levi Dulay. Following the unexpected death of their brother, Josiah, in April of 2012 Ben and Levi founded 777 Collective. A clothing line built upon the belief that “…everybody is a storyteller and that each story matters.” Ben recently gifted me a shirt with the words “Professional Storyteller” printed across the back in bold letters. The idea is simple: Each of us is the absolute best at telling our own story. To continue with writing references, I am constantly surprised with how frequently others author our stories. It is beautiful to me that Ben and Levi have literally built a company around supporting autonomy within our own stories and inviting us to gain a more holistic view of reality by weaving our stories together. I REALLY LIKE this goal. I truly believe that life is better when we do our best to integrate the experience of others into our scope of reality.

In the future, be prepared to read something between the waters of psychology, spirituality,  sociology, neuroscience, art, philosophy, and practical application. Expect to hear from diverse voices on these topics. I “might” be repeating myself, but I truly believe that life is better when we do our best to integrate the experience of others into our scope of reality. Spoiler: I will guaranteed be writing more extensively about this in the future.

I would be elated to hear your thoughts. If you are ever reading and have insight, if something strikes a chord, if you have a suggestion, if you like or dislike what is said, anything really, do share in the comments below! In that same vein of thought, make sure to refer any friends that you think may enjoy the content. This blog is to be able to connect better with you. So, help me make that happen!

To say that I am looking forward to being in touch with you about these ideas is a drastic understatement. As a start to that process, what nails are you laying on? What caves are you afraid to enter? Don't just contemplate. When you are ready, tell someone. Easy enough for starters, right? Don’t forget to learn more about 777 Collective and Jared Callahan’s work. If you haven't already explored my website, scope out the content! Links provided below or scroll to the navigation bar at the top!

With Much Love,

James Spaite

www.jaredcallahan.com

www.777collective.com

Photo by Ben Dulay